"Do a Little Dance"

The legendary British distance runner Jack Lovelock once stated, "I have now learned better than to have my races dictated by the public and the press, so I did not throw away a certain championship merely to amuse the crowd and be spectacular."  I, however, am going to respectfully disagree with Jack on this one.  Yes, winning is extremely important, but what's the point if (a) nobody notices your triumph, and (b) your opponent doesn't feel totally humiliated after you defeat him?  After all, if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

I don't know the answer to that stupid question, because I don't spend much time in the boring forest.  However, given the choice, which tree would you rather be:  The isolated one in nature that nobody cares about or the one that falls on an unsuspecting double-wide after some hillbilly tries to saw it down?  I think we can all agree that if we were trees, the second option would be the preferred way to go.  

That is why Puma chooses to win with some "tasteful" (more or less) flare.  After the race is over, the other competitors undoubtedly know that their sad and pathetic lives were forever rocked by the one and only Puma.  Then, to really rub their nose in it, I like to pile on the misery with some hauntingly spectacular victory dances.  I have countless numbers of celebrations at my personal disposal. They have been perfected over the years and have crushed many a soul.

At this point, you are probably wondering how you can develop your own spectacular celebratory rituals.  Well the formula looks something like this:

To conclude this post, I included some of the greatest victory celebrations of all time to help inspire your own efforts:

1) Soccer Hooligans -- The redeeming quality of this celebration is the ridiculousness.  The other team should definitely feel bad about letting this team of idiots score a goal against them. They very clearly spend all of their practice time rehearsing mildly homoerotic victory celebrations.

However, they can't all be winners.  Here is the same soccer team, but they definitely missed the mark on this one.  A couple of questions come to mind: (1) Who thought this was a good idea? (2) Who says "yes" when a teammate asks him to pretend to be a toilet?

2) Gridiron Greats -- "If you don't like us dancing don't let us get in the endzone."

3) Drop It Like It's Hot -- When you put this much thought and preparation into your victory celebration, you better make damn sure you win.  Otherwise, you'll be the loser who just got doused with a fire extinguisher for no gosh darn reason.

4) Ping Pong Prancer -- I'm sure you've probably seen this clip, but it ranks as one of the best ever. It gets extra points for both the short-shorts and the copious amounts of pelvic thrusts.  By the end of the clip you don't ever care that the guy is down 10-1 and that, my friends, is the true victory.