“Age wrinkles the body. Quitting Wrinkles the Soul.”

Sure, Admiral Fluffmuffin (above)
might be wrinkled on the
outside, but this persistent pup's
soul has the youthful skin of a Greek God.

By the way, why is that pile of dirty
laundry running towards me?

The title of this post is a quote from Douglas MacArthur, the American General who commanded the Southwest Pacific Theatre in World War II.  I’ve spent many hours pondering the meaning of this quote, and let me be the first to say, WTF, Dougy Mac? WTF?  “Quitting wrinkles the soul.”  What the hell is that supposed to mean?  I’ve judged a lot of people in my day, but never once have I thought to myself, “Damn! That dude’s soul is wrinkled as s!@*."  So, sorry Dougy, but this isn’t exactly one of your pearls of wisdom.  It does, however, prove one crucial point:  Nobody likes a quitter!  You should therefore tailor your training to avoid any urge to be a pansy and throw in the towel.

Now, quitting isn’t something that everyone has to worry about.  For example, I once ate a pizza the size of a hula-hoop all by my lonesome, just to prove a point to my older brother (and despite the ever-growing need to seek medical assistance).  That’s just how I roll.  When I set out to do something, there is at least a 77.3% chance that I finish it (see Pie Chart for full break down). For less disciplined individuals, however, there are certain methods that can decrease the temptation to quit.

Four Easy Steps to Achieving your 77.3%

(1) Set Long-Term Goals

First, set a long-term or big-picture goal.  This objective should be what you ultimately hope to achieve through your training.  For example, your goal might be to complete your first marathon, or maybe you merely want to become the unquestioned ruler of the world.  I’m not here to judge your every ambition (though that second one is totally better than the first).  The actual goal itself isn’t all that important.  The key is to consciously identify an achievement that you’d like to work towards...but do yourself a favor and make sure it isn’t lame or pathetic.

(2) Set Short-Term Goals

Next, set short-term goals to track your improvement and build confidence throughout the training process.  These are like the escalator to the final goal.  Why an escalator you ask? Because stairs are for drifters and hillbillies, that’s why!  Short-term goals might include (a) completing a training run at a certain pace, (b) totaling a set amount of miles in a week, (c) running a half-marathon, or (d) finally getting that cute girl at the coffee shop to drop that restraining order.  I included a visual below to help emphasize the importance of setting goals.

I've been told that I cannot legally call the figure in the lower-left corner a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle,  so be sure to listen to your "Adolescent Karate Tortoise".  Then ride that escalator straight to your dreams.

(3) Follow a Set Training Program

In addition to setting both long-term and short-term goals, it’s also essential to find or develop a training program that works for you.  To quote the great Kenny Powers, “All the training in the world doesn’t matter if you are doing it like an a-hole.”  Having a structured running schedule, with your workouts set in advance, allows you to stay focused and track your progress. Ambiguity and indecision will only make it more difficult to achieve your goals.

(4) Develop a Consistent Daily Routine

Finally, sticking to a consistent workout routine will help keep your training on track. By allotting a specific time for running in your daily schedule, you’ll develop positive training habits and maybe even add a shred of joy to your mundane, depressing life.

Hopefully everyone now understands the importance of goals and structure in the endurance training process.  I started this post with a useless quote, but I will now leave you with some words of wisdom from the great Jack Handey to provide inspiration as you strive to achieve your endurance running goals:

“In weightlifting, I don’t think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.”

Whoops, that quote was actually supposed to be included in my letter to the International Olympic Committee.  This is the Jack Handey quote with which I meant to end this post:

“When Armageddon comes, it would be good to be an Olympic athlete, because running real fast and jumping over stuff could come in handy.”