"Turn Up The Radio!"

When I walk into my local gym, three thoughts immediately pop into my head: (1) “What’s that smell?” (2) “Why is that elderly gentleman in the mesh tank top staring at me?” and (3) “Man, I wish I thought of iPods before Apple.”

They say a picture is worth a thousand
words, but when I look at this, only
one comes to mind: WHY?

Ever since Apple introduced their line of iPods to the public, music and exercise have been as inseparable as Richard Simmons and bedazzled tank tops.  Whether it’s House music blaring during spin class or a sorority girl listening to the Spice Girls while reading a magazine on an elliptical (are you really that bored?), music and exercise are deeply intertwined.  This may seem like a match made in heaven (like cowboys and ninjas), but as usual, it’s possible to have too much of a good thing. 

If you, or someone you know is showing signs of Music Dependency, such as foregoing a trip to the gym because he or she left their iPod at home, contact Puma and I will personally enroll them in my carefully designed three-step program to battle the addiction (Step 1 = Throw iPod into wood chipper; Step 2 = Slap addict in the face; Step 3 = Take a nap).

Having said that, music plays a crucial role in athletics and, more specifically, endurance training.  Could Rocky have single-handedly ended the Cold War without this epic training montage set to Wolf Parade’s “Hearts on Fire?”  Of course not!  Watch this video with the sound on.  After you're done punch-dancing to the awesome tunes, mute your computer (DO IT!!), and watch the first part of the video again.  Without the music, this is either an instructional workout program or a documentary about farming.  Who can tell?:

Need further proof? Without the musical backdrop in the video below, this iconic scene from Chariots of Fire is just a bunch of skinny British guys running at the beach in their pajamas:

Both of these videos persuasively demonstrate the important role that music can play in endurance training.  So how can you most effectively utilize musical motivation while exercising?  Don’t worry, Puma’s here to help.  After all, I may not truly understand the depth and power of music, but I appreciate the noise it makes.

Puma’s (Mostly) Foolproof Musical Strategy

1)   Plan Ahead—Preselect songs before you start your exercise.  This way, you won’t have to fiddle with your iPod while working out, freeing you of a costly distraction.  Under no circumstances may you just hit shuffle and go to town.  There is nothing worse then getting hit with a big dose of Hanson’s "MMMBop" when you reach the climax of your workout (and yes, I know it’s in your iTunes library.  Don’t lie.).

2)   Know What Motivates You—Each one of my playlists starts with an audio recording of my 3^rd grade Physical Education teacher telling me I’d never amount to anything. This ritual fills me with the requisite level of rage to commence any workout (after a brief, five-minute cry session in my bathtub).

3)   Select Workout Appropriate Songs— Tailor your playlists to the specific type of workout you’re trying to complete.

                                               i.     Long Runs—Focus, relaxation and rhythm are key when running 10+ miles.  Slowing things down a bit musically can help achieve these elements of the run.  I’m not saying you need to go all "Junior High Slow Jams" on that thing, but you’ll completely desensitize yourself to “Pump Up Jams” by trying to string together one to three hours of them on a playlist.  So save Will Smith’s “Get Jiggy With It” for the very end of your workout, when you need an adrenalin boost.

Screw you, Iceman!

                                              ii.     Shirtless Beach Volleyball Games ala Top Gun—Pump up “Playing with the Boys” by Kenny Loggins, hit repeat, and spike that smug grin right off Iceman’s face!

                                            iii.     Speed Work—Okay, now it’s appropriate to blast your eardrums into an adrenalin-induced stupor.  For example, here is one of Puma’s epically intense playlists.  I save this bad boy for only the most difficult of workouts:

Song	Artist	Explanation
“Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting”	Elton John	Nothing gets me pumped like an effeminate British vocalist talking about fighting.  I imagine the fight would involve a lot of pulled hair, slapped faces, and a spilled appletini or two.
“Ninja Rap”	Vanilla Ice	Go ninja!  Go ninja!  Go! Go ninja!  Go ninja!  Go!  Go!   Go!   Go!  Go!
“It Wasn’t Me”	Shaggy	It helps me run faster if I imagine a furious woman chasing me with some sort of kitchen utensil…What? There actually was a furious woman chasing me with a kitchen utensil? Uh oh…
"Hips Don’t Lie"	Shakira	No sir, they do not. My hips, on the other hand, are filled with gummy bears and deceit.
"Jesse’s Girl"	Rick Springfield	I like to pretend that I do, in fact, know someone named Jesse, and that I am, in fact, stealing that loser’s girlfriend.
"Hold My Hand"	Hootie & The Blowfish	I just really love me some Hootie.
Ghostbusters Theme	Ray Barker Jr.	You’ve got to bring it home strong. “Who ya gonna call?” indeed.

4)   Avoid Clichés—Under no circumstances should these songs appear on your training playlists (There is a specific exception, however, if you want to create an 1980's-style training montage with one of these songs in the background):

                                                   Eminem—Lose Yourself

                                                   50 Cent—In Da Club

                                                  Kanye West—Stronger

                                                  Guns & Roses—Welcome to the Jungle

                                                   Queen—We Will Rock You

                                                  Def Leppard—Pour Some Sugar on Me

                                                 White Snake—Here I Go Again on My Own

                                                 Kenny Loggins—Highway to the Danger Zone

                                                  Survivor—Eye of the Tiger

                                                  Europe—The Final Countdown

                                                  Journey—THE ENTIRE CATALOG

5)   Use in Moderation—Leave the iPod at home sometimes.  It’s important to learn how to run without constant musical motivation.  That way you don’t diminish the influence of a carefully constructed playlist when you bust it out for important training runs.  If used too often, the music will become a crutch, and being on crutches is frustrating.  Especially when you can’t drive because your right foot is in a cast, so you need to bum rides from your parents, even though you’re well into your 20’s (true story).

In sum, music can be a valuable training tool for an endurance athlete, but like most things in life, it must be used in moderation.  However, any way you slice it, utilizing an iPod is definitely more efficient than how I used to get my musical motivation…paying a Wham! cover band to sing while I pull them behind me in a rickshaw.  Who wouldn’t run fast with these guys trailing close behind?: